ego Death

March 27, 2014

I know not how I sensed the microscopic aberration
Tracing the blood-red border
Where the earth gripped the sunset,
But nonetheless I approached
And as I neared saw the corner
Jutting out in partial separation.

My right hand vibrated in nervous agitation
As I stretched it
Over the countless miles,
Countless lives,
And endless seas
All the while
Heretically thinking
“This must be what it feels like
To be God.”

With a set of soiled fingernails,
Which scraped and slid
Beneath the infinitesimal edge,
I slowly prised back the wallpaper
Of finite existence
And the air
Grew solid in my throat,
For beneath that limiting 2D veneer
The dark silence of forever
Pressed into me.

I had already been drawn in
Without consent
Without fear
In that morbid curiosity
Of vapid leading men
In B-class horror films
Who play the hero for a crowd of villains
Seeking sadism in theater seats.

Only once the blackness was absolute,
Seeping into my pores and lungs,
Did I note the point of light
Growing steadily larger
In the distance
And I realized
Either I was drifting
Or something else was drifting
Towards me.

There I slowly contemplated
In a sinner’s penitence
How all my life I had stood still,
Never looking further
Than the end of my own snotty nose
And as this awareness
Penetrated me
The light grew.

It widened and intensified,
Mirroring my panic,
Looming ahead of me
More solid than the past,
Closer than the present,
And more daunting than the future
Until I was engulfed.

When I thought I could bear no more
I closed my eyes
And immediately realized
I was back where I started
And everything was the same
Except I was seeing it all in color
For the first time.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on TumblrShare on RedditShare on Google+